Having a bad day

Having a bad day

 

I really hate it when I'm grumpy, angry, resentful, irritable, self-doubting, overly-protective, compulsive, disappointed, defensive, speak improperly, call someone a name, yell, mumble under my breath, push back with the same intensity, back-bite, gossip, feel betrayed, feel threatened, feel  insecure, feel hurt, feel bullied, feel unwelcome, feel worthless, feel like no one in the world really cares about me. I really hate that and when I see the ugliness in me, I want to cry because I couldn't or didn't stop it and there it was - it's image haunts me - all I want to do is cry and be loved despite my prickliness, my grumpiness, my weakness, my unworthiness.  I always hope it will be someone who will just seem to know I need a hug, a reassuring smile, a word of encouragement.  Sometimes I have to feel bad for a while before I see another way, before I ask for a hug, before I talk to God about how poorly I have treated His image in others and in myself.  And then feel His mercy and the comfort of angel's wings.

 

Lord, have mercy.

 

pray for me, a servant

Fr John Brian

 

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