On being true to oneself

Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh: On being true to oneself


In the Name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.

Time and again I am asked by people on a concrete occasion "What is the Will
of God for me now, in the nearest future?" And I always refuse to speak in
God's own Name, because I believe that all I, or any priest, can do is to
stand before God in awe, and say, "Lord, Thou art the Truth, Thou art Life,
Thou are also the Way, teach this person; be to this person the Way,
enlighten this person with the truth, and bring him to such plenitude of
life as no one can either convey or give."

And yet there are things which can be done. Each of us is a freeman of God,
as St. Paul said clearly, He says there was a time when we all were slaves
of Satan, slaves of our passions, of our fears, slaves of all the things
that press on all sides and do not allow us to be true people. In Christ
freedom is granted; not license, but the freedom to be ourselves, the
freedom to grow into the fullness of the stature which God has dreamt for
us, to grow into fullness that will make us truly living members of the Body
of Christ, partakers of the Divine Nature.

On whatever step of our spiritual development we are, the first thing which
is required of us is that we should be true to ourselves: not to try to be
anyone except the person we are; not to try to ape any behavior, to force
ourselves into any mould in heart, in mind, in will which could be a lie
before God, to lie to ourselves, a deception for others. The first rule is
to be true to ourselves; and to be true with all the integrity, all the
passion, all the joy of which we are capable.

And what does this mean? Apart from what I said a moment ago, it means that
we must find who we are not only socially, but at another level.

And to do this, we can read the Gospel which is an image of what a true
human being is; not a book of commandments, of orders, as it were, given by
God, "Do this, and you will be right in My sight" no: it is a picture of
what a real human being thinks, feels, does and is. Let us look into the
Gospel as one looks into a mirror, and we will discover that in so many ways
we are a distorted image but that in a few ways perhaps, we are a true human
being already, at least potentially. Let us mark those passages of which we
can say, like Luke and Cleophas on the way to Emmaeus: Does not my heart
burn within me when I hear, when I read these words? How beautiful they are!
How true! That is life!.. And if you find one passage or another to which
you respond this way, rejoice; because at that point God has reached you at
the deepest level of your being, revealed to you who you truly are; but at
the same time revealed to you Who He truly is, shown you that you and He are
in harmony; that if you only become what you already, potentially, truly
are, you will become His like, the like of God; a true undistorted image -
at least in one or two things.

Then there is another move; if we want to be truly ourselves, we must
remember that God does not expect us to be what we are not, but what we are.
And that we can stand before God, and say to Him, 'Lord! I have read this
and that in the Gospel; I understand it with my mind; I believe in my heart
that it must be true; but it does not set my mind aglow, my heart on fire;
it does not stir my will, it does not transform me yet. Accept me as I am! I
will change - but for the moment I cannot respond to such a commandment, to
such an example. There is a passage so beautiful, to me, in the writings of
St. Mark the Ascetic in which he says, "If God stood before you, and said,
'Do this, and do that' and your heart could not answer 'Amen' - don't do it;
because God does not need your action: He needs your consent, and harmony
between Him and you."

Let us therefore try when we ask ourselves in an attempt to find out what
the Will of God is for us, not in the absolute, but now: where do I already
stand? What can I already now be and do, and do it wholeheartedly with God?
- because in the end, the aim of our spiritual life, of our life and our
faith in Christ does not consist in being drilled into doing one thing
rather than the other; it is to establish between God and us a relationship
of true friendship, of a joy of mutual freedom, and within this freedom,
within this friendship, in response to God's love, to God's respect for us,
to the faith He has in us, to the hope He has vested in us, and say 'This
person has understood that he is not a slave, that he is My friend' and He
is our friend. What a joy! And it is a gift of God, which we can give Him as
we received it from Him!

Amen.

* All texts are copyright: Estate of Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh,
Metropolitan Anthony Library